Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
