I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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