If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My first STD was from a foam party
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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