I look better un-naked...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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