Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
