FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
