Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
