It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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