oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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