Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
