Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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