They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
