remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
