he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
