Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
