woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
