No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
