Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
