it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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