apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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