I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
