Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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