I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
