can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
