I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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