I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
