I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
