oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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