I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
