just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
