Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize