I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
