# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
