How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
