i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
