I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
