We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
