Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You made out with two different species that night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
