Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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