I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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