Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
