i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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