I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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