I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
