Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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