I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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