She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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