i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
