Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
