Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
