Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
