I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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