I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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