she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
