This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
