the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Houston, we have a blender
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
