so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
