i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
