so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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