I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
