why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
