he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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