Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You don't make any sense
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