I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
