idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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