i permit you to call me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
