I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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