Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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