arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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