Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You smell like stripper and shame
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
