Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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