just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
