i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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