he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
