if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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